In the Wrong Paradise, and Other Stories Read online

  THE YOUTH OF WHY-WHY.

  Why-Why, as our hero was commonly called in the tribe, was born, longbefore Romulus built his wall, in a cave which may still be observed inthe neighbourhood of Mentone. On the warm shores of the Mediterranean,protected from winds by a wall of rock, the group of which Why-Why wasthe offspring had attained conditions of comparative comfort. Theremains of their dinners, many feet deep, still constitute the flooringof the cave, and the tourist, as he pokes the soil with the point of hisumbrella, turns up bits of bone, shreds of chipped flint, and otherinteresting relics. In the big cave lived several little families, allnamed by the names of their mothers. These ladies had been knocked onthe head and dragged home, according to the marriage customs of theperiod, from places as distant as the modern Marseilles and Genoa. Why-Why, with his little brothers and sisters, were named Serpents, weretaught to believe that the serpent was the first ancestor of their race,and that they must never injure any creeping thing. When they were stillvery young, the figure of the serpent was tattooed over their legs andbreasts, so that every member of primitive society who met them had theadvantage of knowing their crest and highly respectable family name.

  The birth of Why-Why was a season of discomfort and privation. The hilltribe which lived on the summit of the hill now known as the Tete duChien had long been aware that an addition to the population of the cavewas expected. They had therefore prepared, according to the invariableetiquette of these early times, to come down on the cave people, maltreatthe ladies, steal all the property they could lay hands on, and breakwhatever proved too heavy to carry. Good manners, of course, forbade thecave people to resist this visit, but etiquette permitted (and in NewCaledonia still permits) the group to bury and hide its portablepossessions. Canoes had been brought into the little creek beneath thecave, to convey the women and children into a safe retreat, and the menwere just beginning to hide the spears, bone daggers, flint fish-hooks,mats, shell razors, nets, and so forth, when Why-Why gave an early proofof his precocity by entering the world some time before his arrival wasexpected.

  Instantly all was confusion. The infant, his mother and the other non-combatants of the tribe, were bundled into canoes and paddled, through atempestuous sea, to the site of the modern Bordighiera. The men who werenot with the canoes fled into the depths of the Gorge Saint Louis, whichnow severs France from Italy. The hill tribe came down at the double,and in a twinkling had "made hay" (to borrow a modern agriculturalexpression) of all the personal property of the cave dwellers. They torethe nets (the use of which they did not understand), they broke the shellrazors, they pouched the opulent store of flint arrowheads and bonedaggers, and they tortured to death the pigs, which the cave people hadjust begun to try to domesticate. After performing these rites, whichwere perfectly legal--indeed, it would have been gross rudeness toneglect them--the hill people withdrew to their wind-swept home on theTete du Chien.

  Philosophers who believe in the force of early impressions will betempted to maintain that Why-Why's invincible hatred of establishedinstitutions may be traced to these hours of discomfort in which his lifebegan.

  The very earliest years of Why-Why, unlike those of Mr. John Stuart Mill,whom in many respects he resembled, were not distinguished by proofs ofextraordinary intelligence. He rather promptly, however, showed signs ofa sceptical character. Like other sharp children, Why-Why was alwaysasking metaphysical conundrums. Who made men? Who made the sun? Whyhas the cave-bear such a hoarse voice? Why don't lobsters grow ontrees?--he would incessantly demand. In answer to these and similarquestions, the mother of Why-Why would tell him stories out of the simplemythology of the tribe. There was quite a store of traditional repliesto inquisitive children, replies sanctioned by antiquity and by theauthority of the medicine-men, and in this lore Why-Why's mother wasdeeply versed.

  Thus, for example, Why-Why would ask his mother who made men. She wouldreply that long ago Pund-jel, the first man, made two images of humanbeings in clay, and stuck on curly bark for hair. He then danced acorroboree round them, and sang a song. They rose up, and appeared asfull-grown men. To this statement, hallowed by immemorial belief, Why-Why only answered by asking who made Pund-jel. His mother said that Pund-jel came out of a plot of reeds and rushes. Why-Why was silent, butthought in his heart that the whole theory was "bosh-bosh," to use theearly reduplicative language of these remote times. Nor could he concealhis doubts about the Deluge and the frog who once drowned all the world.Here is the story of the frog:--"Once, long ago, there was a big frog. Hedrank himself full of water. He could not get rid of the water. Once hesaw a sand-eel dancing on his tail by the sea-shore. It made him laughso that he burst, and all the water ran out. There was a great flood,and every one was drowned except two or three men and women, who got onan island. Past came the pelican, in a canoe; he took off the men, butwanting to marry the woman, kept her to the last. She wrapped up a login a 'possum rug to deceive the pelican, and swam to shore and escaped.The pelican was very angry; he began to paint himself white, to show thathe was on the war trail, when past came another pelican, did not like hislooks, and killed him with his beak. That is why pelicans are partlyblack and white, if you want to know, my little dear," said the mother ofWhy-Why.

  Many stories like this were told in the cave, but they found no creditwith Why-Why. When he was but ten years old, his inquiring spirit showeditself in the following remarkable manner. He had always been informedthat a serpent was the mother of his race, and that he must treatserpents with the greatest reverence. To kill one was sacrilege. Inspite of this, he stole out unobserved and crushed a viper which hadstung his little brother. He noticed that no harm ensued, and thisencouraged him to commit a still more daring act. None but the old menand the warriors were allowed to eat oysters. It was universally heldthat if a woman or a child touched an oyster, the earth would open andswallow the culprit. Not daunted by this prevalent belief, Why-Why oneday devoured no less than four dozen oysters, opening the shells with aflint spear-head, which he had secreted in his waist-band. The earth didnot open and swallow him as he had swallowed the oysters, and from thatmoment he became suspicious of all the ideas and customs imposed by theold men and wizards.

  Two or three touching incidents in domestic life, which occurred when Why-Why was about twelve years old, confirmed him in the dissidence of hisdissent, for the first Radical was the first Dissenter. The etiquette ofthe age (which survives among the Yorubas and other tribes) made itcriminal for a woman to see her husband, or even to mention his name.When, therefore, the probable father of Why-Why became weary ofsupporting his family, he did not need to leave the cave and trampabroad. He merely ceased to bring in tree-frogs, grubs, roots, and theother supplies which Why-Why's mother was accustomed to find concealedunder a large stone in the neighbourhood of the cave.

  The poor pious woman, who had always religiously abstained from seeingher lord's face, and from knowing his name, was now reduced todestitution. There was no one to grub up pig-nuts for her, nor toextract insects of an edible sort from beneath the bark of trees. As shecould not identify her invisible husband, she was unable to denounce himto the wizards, who would, for a consideration, have frightened him outof his life or into the performance of his duty. Thus, even with the aidof Why-Why, existence became too laborious for her strength, and shegradually pined away. As she lay in a half-fainting and almost dyingstate, Why-Why rushed out to find the most celebrated local medicine-man.In half an hour the chief medicine-man appeared, dressed in the skin of awolf, tagged about with bones, skulls, dead lizards, and other ornamentsof his official attire. You may see a picture very like him in Mr.Catlin's book about the Mandans. Armed with a drum and a rattle, heleaped into the presence of the sick woman, uttering unearthly yells. Hisbenevolent action and "bedside manner" were in accordance with themedical science of the time. He merely meant to frighten away the evilspirit which (according to the received hypothesis) was destroying themother of Why-Why. Wh
at he succeeded in doing was to make Why-Why'smother give a faint scream, after which her jaw fell, and her eyes grewfixed and staring.

  The grief of Why-Why was profound. Reckless of consequences, hedeclared, with impious publicity, that the law which forbade a wife tosee her own husband, and the medical science which frightened poor womento death were cruel and ridiculous. As Why-Why (though a promisingchild) was still under age, little notice was taken of remarks which wereattributed to the petulance of youth. But when he went further, andtransgressed the law which then forbade a brother to speak to his ownsister, on pain of death, the general indignation was no longerrepressed. In vain did Why-Why plead that if he neglected his sister noone else would comfort her. His life was spared, but the unfortunatelittle girl's bones were dug up by a German savant last year, in acondition which makes it only too certain that cannibalism was practisedby the early natives of the Mediterranean coast. These incidents then,namely, the neglect of his unknown father, the death of his mother, andthe execution of his sister, confirmed Why-Why in the belief that radicalsocial reforms were desirable.

  The coming of age of Why-Why was celebrated in the manner usual amongprimitive people. The ceremonies were not of a character to increase hispleasure in life, nor his respect for constituted authority. When he wasfourteen years of age, he was pinned, during his sleep, by four adultbraves, who knocked out his front teeth, shaved his head with sharp chipsof quartzite, cut off the first joint of his little finger, and daubedhis whole body over with clay. They then turned him loose, imposing onhim his name of Why-Why; and when his shaven hair began to show throughthe clay daubing, the women of the tribe washed him, and painted himblack and white. The indignation of Why-Why may readily be conceived.Why, he kept asking, should you shave a fellow's head, knock out histeeth, cut off his little finger, daub him with clay, and paint him likea pelican, because he is fourteen years old? To these radical questions,the braves (who had all lost their own front teeth) replied, that thiswas the custom of their fathers. They tried to console him, moreover, bypointing out that now he might eat oysters, and catch himself a bridefrom some hostile tribe, or give his sister in exchange for a wife. Thiswas little comfort to Why-Why. He had eaten oysters already withoutsupernatural punishment, and his sister, as we have seen, had sufferedthe extreme penalty of the law. Nor could our hero persuade himself thatto club and carry off a hostile girl in the dark was the best way to wina loving wife. He remained single, and became a great eater of oysters.